Today is one of those days --a day of familiar pain both in my body and heart. To say "it gets old" would be a huge understatement. And that insane question keeps trying to rear up in my head...why and what purpose is this serving, Lord? I can repeat Romans 8:28 forever but still wonder what possible way is my disability being used for good. But God knows my heart, my thoughts and struggles and is awesome in answering my many doubts.
Though I sometimes face major problems on Facebook, I found a note from a dear sister in Christ that was so incredibly encouraging. She said she had been thinking of me. I replied that I'd hoped it had been pleasant. Her response was "Of course! I'm having some trials and I was using you as a little inspiration:)"
Me? As an inspiration to anyone in any type trial? You bet. It's not b/c I'm a courageous or great woman in anyway. I am not. However, my heavenly Father can use any part of my life and walk with Him to inspire another with or without my knowledge. He can inspire, encourage, or lift up another in both my weakness and strength.
I needed to know this though. I really need to see that God can use me, even as messed up as I am, to help someone in anyway at at all. And then I began wondering how many others need to know God is using them also. There are so many people whose words & actions influence me so powerfully. Their very life and how they are dealing with trials gives me hope and strength. I see the Lord in them, how they are allowing Him to guide them and His words He gives them to pull them through. Often, I'm in that same spot so b/c they are sharing, I'm blessed also by what God is doing in their lives and what scripture & truth He provided.
I don't blog often but recently have done so about Baxter, keeping a lot of the "drama" off Facebook intentionally. I knew those closest to me were keeping up anyway & lifting us both in prayer. But today I was drawn to some one's blog I haven't checked in awhile. DRAWN. I wasn't checking anyone else's blogs at all. I was just pulled directly to this one person's latest blog entry. And I'm overwhelmed with how God has blessed me from what they chose to share. This is another sister in Christ but with far greater trials than myself, yet she knew it was all worth it if even one person was helped by her life.
I had to let her know that, yes! Yes, I'm one person feeling less alone and powerfully encouraged and inspired by what she is choosing to share. God have given her this scripture from Psalms: "Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up." Psalm 71:20 Though she'd read it many times, it came to her in a different way this day which she explained. I could not thank her enough b/c this scripture was new to me. I felt it was given to me also from the Lord in the exact timing I needed.
I'm just saying none of us knows how our actions and words can radically impact each other. But I see it working most from those who are transparent. The Lord shares with us: "Share each other's troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2 NLT) And there are countless scriptures & examples I've found on lifting each other up I've posted below. But what I'm saying is that I have to be willing to share my life. I have to choose to do this.
The person on Facebook CHOSE to share publicly that she was in a trial, and she CHOSE to share I'd inspired her. The person's blog I read CHOSE to share their trial and what God was doing to get them through and how and what they were learning on a painful journey.
I'm an open book about most things, but when it comes to the pain I face in my body, I often will remain private for good cause. I don't want to appear as feeling sorry for myself or that I'm complaining. I was raised to be stoic in suffering. However, God works most powerfully in my life when suffering, and there is so much He shows and teaches me. Why would I not share this when it could help someone else?
Maybe I will share more about the bad days and what God does for me through pain. I have to get over the fear of being judged by others, and just pray God uses it to touch whoever needs it. Honestly, I'm already judged in this world whether I speak or not.
So b/c of what God's shown me through these two women who CHOSE to share, I will also. And also b/c I've seen His power and guidance through so many other Christians who are transparent and have such an influence in my life, being vessels for God to flow through. Please know that when you're being open on the pulpit or in Bible study, whether on Facebook, your blog or on the phone, that YOU make a huge difference in my life! When you're authentic and humble enough to even admit you have struggles, I feel better! I feel better b/c I know I'm not alone! And however you're getting through it with God helps me.....b/c you're willing to share. I hate to use the word "admit," but that's how it feels sometimes. None of us have to "admit" we're struggling. In fact, if we're living for Christ, we should definitely be facing struggles & tests. You know what I mean. There really are people who believe you wouldn't be in such a way if you read your Bible more or you just need to spend more time with God.
Let me assure you that my infirmities do not exists from my lack of faith or as a consequence of sin
Anyway, I'm sharing about my infirmities so that, despite them, someone can learn God's compassion & power in the midst of storms. I'm not a theologian, but I know God uses trials to grow us up, draw us & keep near Him, teach us things we'd learn no other way. If I wasn't down today, I wouldn't have even been here to hear Him speak to me through others. When I say down, I mean it literally. When I wake up and feel instant pain from the slightest movement, that's when I'm gonna stay down at rest. Today is a perfect example of how God is interwoven in pain.
First, I have the choice to go to Him immediately for help as to what to do. I receive His assurance 100% and His instructions 100% as well. I knew without any doubt to cancel P.T. so I was not surprised when my therapist called me back and agreed. God's never wrong. Next was transferring out of the bed to the couch. This is when I get to see God's strength and not my own. People ask how I can be grateful for my disability. How could I not be? I get to see God's hand in my life & I get to spend my day with Him! I get to witness Him doing things that are impossible! This morning, it was feeding/medicating the dogs. Do you know how far it is from by bed to the kitchen? (Feels like a football field) So I can see first hand how nothing is impossible with Him. And what are the odds my helper would be here today? There are no odds with God. He knew I would need her to get me set up on the couch. When I say set up, I'm talking about anything & everything one would need or want next to your side, and the coffee table covered b/c I may end up stuck there for the whole day or days. So I get to see how God provides my every need and His perfect timing.
I don't watch TV during the day. I listen to Christian music. And Lo and Behold, God already had TWO Bibles on the Coffee table and one next to the couch. And wouldn't ya just know it? They are all 3 different versions! I love how He thinks of all this and has it in place for me. Not just 3 different Bibles, but one of my current Bible studies right there front and center. And a cordless phone that had been charged the day before along with a hairbrush. My TENS unit bag with everything in it including charged batteries. How can everything you need be within arm's reach already? How could I have possibly left each & every item in one place? I could not have. So I get to see God going ahead of me, knowing what's ahead and making these things happen. PROVIDING!
And I just spotted a case of blank CDs for recording. Yep, my hand grabber can reach 'em. So I can record music today which I love to do! And I keep my camera bedside where I am so often. It ends up there so I can upload to my laptop. But you guessed it. It's on the Coffee table too. And to think I was going to clear off this table last night. I could not muster the strength and left it for today. Thats GOD!
For me, my pain puts me in a circumstance to rely on Him. I MUST trust Him to care for me. He has shown me time and again that if I will submit to His Will and seek His instructions, He will provide and direct (straighten) my paths. My path was to the couch today. LOL Though I had some plans today, His plans were greater. And the Psalms 23 that He recently taught me? What perfect timing again. "The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul." I lack nothing. He made me lie down on the couch and led me to still/quiet waters and refreshed my soul through two sisters in Christ.
Last but far from least: Baxter has had to be kept immobilized and yet just yesterday--yesterday!--he saw the Vet and can now care for himself today. I'm enjoying him play with the others. I would have missed this had I been up and left today. I also could not have tended to him had he needed it.
And this is just one day; an example of how God works in my own trials that I pray will help someone. And for fun, I'm adding a picture of my Coffee table. Can you see all that I shared God had supplied besides the camera? Tens, Bibles, Bible studies, hairbrush and CDs to record? It's not a mess at all. It's a God send! LOL And yeah, that's Baxter bringing me a bottle of pills in his mouth. Isn't it neat that God knows what you're gonna need, when you'll need it and how He'll provide it? This dog could not walk a week ago!!!
1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Corinthians 14:26 What then, brothers? When you come together, each one has a hymn, a lesson, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. Let all things be done for building up. Hebrews 10:25 Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:24-25 And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.
